?Teacher: Why are you late
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill
?Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it
.Student: No. I was standing on it.

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present
The student: I walk. You walk 
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please 
The student: I run. You run

A: Why are all those people running
B: They are running a race to get a cup
A: Who will get the cup
B: The person who wins
A: Then why are all the others running

Teacher: Did you father help you with your homework
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

A man is talking to God
The man: "God, how long is a million years
God: "To me, it's about a minute
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars
God: "To me it's a penny
The man: "God, may I have a penny
God: "Wait a minute

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school  "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Riddles of Alphabet 

Q: What letter is a part of the head
A: I. (eye)

Q: What letter is a drink
A: T. (tea)

Q: What letter is a body of water
A: C. (sea)

Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you
A: The letter " I "

Q: What letter is a vegetable
A: P. (pea)

Q: What letter is an exclamation
A: O. (oh!)

Q: What letter is a European bird
A: J. (Jay)

Q: What letter is looking for causes 
A: Y. (why)

Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".

Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island 
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady
A: It can make "her" "hear.

Q: Which is the loudest vowel
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise

Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".

Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".

Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)

Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".

Q: What is the end of everythin
A: The letter "g".